i'm in a way better mood today. i finally am starting to put everything behind me and move on in life. i have so much i want to do, i have so much time, why waste all my energy being depressed and angry? why waste time and money on drugs? i don't need them anyway, drugs are the root to my family problems, troubles with the law, and my personal issues. they are evil, and i realize just how bad it could of been for me if i wouldn't of had this "wake-up call". i'm lucky that this happened, because if it wouldn't of i would still be in that insnae world of drugs and lies. i would still be addicted to cocaine, probably would of became addicted to crack eventually too, and still drinking and smoking pot heavily thinking that there is nothing wrong with any of it, popping pills just to make it through a day at school. it has been tough for me having to realize all of this, but just imagine how tough it would of been if i kept going down the path i was going. i admit, i was a fiend for awhile. i never wanted to admit it or no one else would tell me so because they battling their own addictions too. i'm on a new brighter path now without drugs. they take you nowhere. i never thought i would say these things or ever think like this, but it took me almost dying to realize it. it sounds so cheesy, but it's the right thing that i'm doing. i have matured through this experience, even though many other people are going through the same things that i am... or worse. i am finally starting to realize that i want to be the old me who could live without drugs and foolish things. everything is starting to fall into place. i'm so happy right now. i am so happy, i actually want to cry. i'm so excited to hang out with my friends, whom i love, but had been forgetting and pushing away for my old loser friends who i once shared an addiction with.

i got to see brian today. i can tell you, almost with tears in my eyes, that it was one of the best moments in my life. to see him and have him tell me that he is really glad i'm done with all of the drugs. he had this look on his face like he wanted to grab me and tell me how much it means to him that i don't keep doing all of the foolish crazy things i did. that i have finally stopped doing evil things to him. i have stopped putting him through something rough, which was seeing me go so far downhill.